I flinched when someone told me that her recently widowed aunt is being told to”buck up and get over it!” Unfortunately, I have learned that there are many people that think that way about those of us who are grieving. Most of those who are thinking this way just do not verbalize those feelings. I did not realize this until I was visiting some friends that are very dear to me. “I just didn’t know, I just didn’t know!”, one of them said before breaking down into tears. I questioned what it was he did not know. His reply was, “I did not know how bad it hurts. I used to think just get over it.” His statement really shocked me. This family is a very loving, caring family. He would be the last one that I would ever think would have had those thoughts. Their young son recently went to Heaven and now they know from experience how much it hurts and how long it takes to heal.
I once read that for those of us who have gone through the valley of grieving and are farther up the mountain it leads to have a responsibility to “call back to the others that are just starting to climb it.” We need to reach down and lend a hand to help them up and also call back words of encouragement. I now feel that it is also our responsibility to teach others that are NOT grieving more about the process so they can understand and hopefully prevent such statements as “Buck up!”
Christian counselors and authors that have observed those that grieve and found that it generally takes 2-2 1/2 years to be fully adjusted to a close loved one’s death. It also varies from person to person even within the same household. There are also many different circumstances that come in to play.
By the way, one does not “get over it“. However they do get used to the fact that the loved one is no longer living with them and that life will never be the same. One day they realize that they have settled into a new way of life without him or her.
Psalm 147:3 says “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. ” We can all trust God that He will indeed heal our hearts and make us whole again.
I would appreciate any comments you who are reading this have concerning this topic. Have a good day “in the Lord”.