Several weeks ago I started sharing some of the things we’ve discussed in a Widow’s Bible Study. Unfortunately, some things in my agenda have greatly delayed me continuing. In part one I discussed how much God loves widows. Part two covered Isolation, and in part three, I shared a section of a little book, “My Beautiful Broken Shell.” Lastly, I discussed Suffering. Today I’ll share a few things we talked about concerning Decision Making.
Decision making can be very difficult.
Many widows were used to their husbands making the majority of the decisions and now find themselves as the decision maker. Grieving in itself is exhausting, and now even more energy is required to be able to make all of the decisions. Besides the fact that many of us have not had much practice with making decisions alone, we also deal with the fact that our thinking processes are altered by grieving. A widow needs to learn not to center all her decisions around what her spouse would have wanted. He’s no longer there, and the decision needs to be one that you are comfortable with. You alone must live with the results of those decisions. Lastly, often we can keep seeking more information when, eventually, faith is what’s needed to move forward.
What are some common mistakes in making decisions?
Making a decision using your feelings as a guideline is a big mistake! So many times emotional decisions are not correct even without dealing with emotions that are worn thin. Emotional decisions are very undependable. Another mistake is basing our decision on others’ opinions. If those decision-making people aren’t going to be affected by the decision, take their opinion with a grain of salt. My favorite piece of advice I gleaned from this part of the lesson is not to limit yourself to two choices. We call that the “either/or trap.” Make a list of other options, a great decision-making tool. You may be surprised at all of your options once you take time to do that .
Decisions should be delayed, if possible.
Most major decisions should not be made within the first year if they can be avoided. Some major ones are selling or buying a home. Long-term investments are not decisions that should be made during this early grieving stage either. Lastly, if at all possible, delay moving in with a relative or having a relative move in with you. This could become a good decision, but never make such an important decision during the first year.
How can a widow make the best decision possible?
Always ask God for wisdom! James 1:5 says, “If any of you lack wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all ….”
Remember, God always wants to direct us according to His Word .
Seek wise counsel. Make sure it’s from someone who has your best interests in mind, not their own. Proverbs 15:22 NIV says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed.” Proverbs 20:18 NIV continues: “Plans are established by seeking advice…obtain wisdom.”
For every option you have, write down as many reasons why you would be “in favor of” or “opposed to” that option.
You must be willing to wait on God. Isaiah 40:31 tells us, “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint.” Try to not be hasty, but make a decision! No decision is a decision!” This can be worse!
Decision making can and will be hard, especially during those first few years of widowhood; however, with God’s help and your caution, you’ll find that you can do it!
May God bless you!
“You guide me with your counsel
Afterward you will take me into Glory.”
*Notes takes from the Bible Study “Wisdom for Widows” by Mary Ann Kuechler Missionary Tech Team