Passing Through the Storm


June 4th marked the third anniversary of my husband’s home going. As that day approached, I realized I had reached a milestone in my journey of grief. As I look back at the previous years, all I can picture is a violent storm, as though I have fought my way to the calm at the end of that storm. I visualize my emotions thrashing to and fro with the winds and waves, sometimes crashing violently. But then I can see my Lord in the midst of the chaos, picking me up and holding me close each time I fell. He would then gently send me on my way, always waiting for me when I would reach out to Him.

Isaiah 43:2 reads, “When thou passeth through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee….” I’ m thankful that His Word is true, and I can testify that He didn’t let the river overflow me. There’ve been times when I felt the storm might have indeed, overtaken me, times that I thought I might never stop crying again.

I carried a sadness within my soul that I truly was not sure would ever leave. Still, even with that sadness, I had the joy that only comes from the Lord. I’m sure that’s what sustained me.

I’m not fooled into thinking that I’ll never feel sad again. I know sometimes I’ll still shed a few tears, but I see my pathway so much clearer now. I can see my life as Kathy, instead of as Kathy and Phil as I was for 32 years. Just as God had a plan and purpose for me as a wife, mother, and grandmother, I know He also has a plan for me as a widow, mother, and grandmother.

I’ll always love my husband dearly and miss him every day just as I do my son. However, I also know that I’ll keep on walking to the calmer shore, as God makes “the crooked places straight…” Isaiah 45:3.

I pray that each of you will be able to see the shore- line Him to guide you there. God bless you.

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My third Christmas


This was my third Christmas without my beloved. I remember when my first Christmas was approaching. I declared to my daughters that I would not be decorating that year. However, as the days passed, I began to think of my small grandchildren and how I wanted to impact them. I had been telling them that it was a wonderful gift for their pap to have been able to go to heaven. They knew I missed him and that I was sad, but I wondered if I may give them the wrong message if I did not decorate at all. I decided in order for me to be able to decorate, I would have to change some things. My husband and I had always purchased a live tree, so I invested in an artificial tree. I also bought new ornaments. As far as the rest of the house, I decorated some, but not my usual amount.

My second Christmas seemed to be a little easier. I still grieved but not as strongly. I again used different ornaments. New Christmas traditions were starting to form between my daughters’ families and me.

This year brought me to the third Christmas. I was surprised to find myself actually worse than last year. I had read that for some widows the third year of grieving is the hardest. Unfortunately, I have found this to be true for me. I entered my third year of widowhood on June 4th of this year. In some ways, I have grieved harder this year than last year. I do not cry as often, but my husband’s birthday hit me hard this year just as the holidays have. For some reason, it reassures me to know that I am not the only one to which this has happened.

As I dealt with my feelings of grief over the past couple weeks, I have tried to find a balance for myself. I feel that we should not fight our grieving. However, I feel that I have reached a place where I need to help myself to keep moving forward. I can’t embrace my sorrow. I need to direct my steps forward as I continue to seek God’s will.

I am glad that our God is a God that cares.   Matthew 5:4 says, “Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted.” I pray you have the comfort that God can give as well.

Kathy

Feel free to share how your holidays were for you. I would love to hear from you.

Poem “OUR BOY” – One Year Later


I am reposting this blog this week in honor of the one year anniversary of the home-going of  sweet Jeremiah Ulmer. I have watched his family sorrow, yet not without hope.  I have grieved in my own heart with them as well.  We continue to remember him daily. February 6th will represent the completion of a year of “first’s”. It is not, however, the end of grieving. Grieving does not come with an expiration date. Everyone’s grief is different. Still,  I know from the loss of my own dear son that their grief will continue to lessen over each new year. As each wave tosses them out into the sea of grief, each wave will also bring them back closer to the lighthouse on  shore.  As I have watched them travel this first part of their journey, I have seen the entire family keep their eyes heaven-ward and lean on their Savior.   This week is bringing to close one year of  indescribable joy and peace for Jeremiah as well as one year of learning to cling to God for His healing and peace for his family. May God bless them as they they start another year in their journey with their Lord.

“OUR BOY”

by Charlotte Ulmer Minium on Friday, March 2, 2012 at 2:44pm ·

Our Boy”

by Stephanie R. Ulmer

I heard your prayer from up above,

For another boy to hold and love,

And so I fashioned one with grace,

A beautiful boy with a handsome face,

I gave him twinkling eyes of blue,

His baby skin was soft and new,

He had ten fingers and ten little toes,

Big chubby cheeks and a cute little nose,

A hearty laugh, an adorable grin,

He was as sweet as a boy could have been,

And so I was finished, my planning was done,

I sent him to earth, I gave you your son.

Take heed though, I whispered, his time won’t be long,

Make each moment count, for soon he’ll be gone,

And so I watched ‘or him from heaven above,

Our boy was growing, he was showered with love,

He teased his sisters and played with his brother,

He respected his father and was sweet to his mother,

He liked hunting and fishing whenever he could,

He picked on his siblings like little boys should,

He loved knives and guns and trucks that were loud,

He was boy to the core and he made us all proud,

But just like I told you it didn’t take long,

Our boy grew up. He was tall, he was strong,

No longer a child, He was more like a man,

You had hopes for his future, but that wasn’t My plan.

I missed the boy, he was Mine from the start,

I knew all his thoughts, I knew him by heart,

And so when his time on earth was all passed,

I called My boy home, back to heaven at last!

He came in an instant, My bright happy child,

And when he caught sight of the angels, he smiled.

He’s up here in heaven, he’s sheltered from harm,

He’s safer than ever he was on your farm,

His eyes are still sparkling a beautiful blue,

His skin is remade, its again fresh and new,

The memories he left are all yours to share,

They’re sweet and they’re precious, so handle with care,

And so when your feeling discouraged or blue,

Remember he’s Mine, but I shared him with you.

In Loving Memory

Of

Jeremiah Justin Ulmer

5/27/93 – 2/6/12

Jeremiah with his big 7 pt. buck. He shot him from 750 yards away straight through the eye. He couldn’t have been more proud.